


A Refined Palate

by GwooWowarr



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Horror, Not Serious, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-24 05:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30067134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GwooWowarr/pseuds/GwooWowarr
Summary: A well-dressed gentleman and a refined lady enjoy an evening at a Noxian winery. A League of Legends one shot featuring Cho'Gath and Rek'Sai.Originally posted on Fanfic.net on 5/31/2020
Relationships: Cho'Gath/Rek'Sai
Kudos: 1





	A Refined Palate

The vineyard was deserted. It had to be. They had no other option but to flee. When they had felt the ground shaking, they had assumed it was the Legion, moving a war machine along one of Noxus’s great highways, but after the rumble of the crashing Noxtorra echoed through the valley, they knew they were mistaken. Moments later, the first scream was heard as the beast came into sight; hideous, hulking, and purple.

Everyone fled as fast as they could. Workers dropped their tools among the vines, the merchants knocked over their stacks of coin in haste, and the stable hands scrambled up onto the horses, speeding off and leaving the others for dead. Minutes later, the vineyard was savaged.

The monster tore off the roof of the winery as easily as a child could knock over an anthill. Another swing of its clawed appendages and it smashed through the floor into the cellar. Row after row of grapes were crushed, destroying summers of growth in minutes. Spilled wine and the blood of the slow were indistinguishable in the amber glow of the evening sun. The juices made the ground sodden, sticky, and bitterly aromatic.

An hour had passed since the attack and now the beast sat by the winery and looked over the destruction with an approving air.

“Yes,” Cho’Gath said with a voice that boomed, “this place will do nicely.”

The Voidborn gave himself a final check; nothing between his fangs, nobody stuck on his spines, and most importantly, no blood spatter on his suit. Cho’Gath pulled a monocle from his pocket and set it into a break in his chiton before his eye. Now he was ready for his date. He stomped the ground, alerting his fair lady that he was ready to receive her. The ground shook before splintering open like a maw. From this tunnel, another Voidborn pulled itself into the vineyard.

Powerful, voracious, and blue, Rek’Sai was the very image of beauty to Cho’Gath. Rek’Sai turned her face towards the sun, feeling its warmth on her armored plates. Her chiton shone like polished metal, its regal colors popping out against the pure white shawl and trailing sarong styled skirt she wore. Of course, being a truly graceful lady, she was able to keep them free from dirt even while tunneling. Atop her head rested an enormous wide brimmed bonnet adorned with a purple silk ribbon and hundreds of Shuriman flowers.

“My dear Rek’Sai,” Cho’Gath greeted, “you look simply divine.”

The other voidborn blushed, though it was not visible under her plating. She clicked her mandibles in a very lady-like manner as she turned toward Cho’Gath.

“Please, follow me,” he said, “I have found the perfect location for us to dine. I know you have tunneled a long way to be here but I think the wine is worth it.”

Reksai let out a dainty hiss.

“Yes, that is the wine you are smelling. Blood and wine to be precise, but you will enjoy both.”

She gave an agreeable chortle as she followed Cho’Gath, the vibrations of his great steps making him easy to follow. They stopped beside the winery where Cho’Gath had cleared a place for them to feast. Rek’Sai kneaded the plush grass beneath her claws in approval.

“Now wait here for a moment my dear, while I fetch the waiter. I found it hiding in the cellar.”

Rek’Sai made a deep, refined crackling noise in response.

Not a minute later, for it would be ungentlemanly to keep company waiting, Cho’Gath returned carrying a terrified human in his claws.

“No running away now,” he said to the captured worker before putting him gently down.

Rek’Sai’s tongue hung out as she tasted the air, now salty with the man’s nervous sweat. She could feel his trembling through the ground and it excited her.

“As you can see,” Cho’Gath addressed the human, “the lady here is quite hungry. I would recommend that you serve us quickly before appetite makes us forget our manners. This winery here is famous in Noxus, yes? That was a question young man, answer it.”

“Y-Yes,” the human stuttered, “we-we make red wines heh-here. We’re famous for the mmm-mer-merlot. Red Banner Merlot. We also m-m-make a higher end ca-cabernet sauvignon.”

“Excellent,” Cho’Gath cheered, “bring up your finest barrels. Rek’Sai, would you like some cheese with you wine?”

Rek’Sai responded with a pleased screeching noise.

“You heard the lady,” Cho’Gath said, “bring us some cheese wheels as well. Oh, I do hope you know how to pair cheeses with wines.”

“Of course,” the human responded, “wah-whatever the guests wan-want.”

“That’s a good lad. Now, off with you, but do not try to flee. I promise you, we are faster than you are.”

Cho’Gath watched as the human sprinted off to the winery. Convinced that their waiter wasn’t going to flee on them, he set out two enormous wine glasses for them. He knew it was simpler to bring his own glasses as he traveled. It was regrettable, but most places he visited didn’t carry drinkware to accommodate beings of his size.

“Rek’Sai,” he spoke as he gave the glasses a final polish, “how does your brood fare?”

Rek’Sai let out a proud shrill scream, punctuated by a low bellow.

“I am glad that they are in good health. They do grow up quickly. One day they are little more than larva, now they are strong enough to break a camel’s neck with a single bite.”

A low noise, almost like a purr, rumbled through the air as her response.

“And your other project in the valley?”

She snarled her response and slapped her tail against the ground with utmost elegance.

“Slow progress is still progress. The fact that you are still able to find resources in a barren area such as Shurima speaks to your resourcefulness and cunning.”

Rek’Sai made a slow, soft clicking noise, accepting the compliment.

The pair continued their pleasant chatting until it was interrupted by the grunting of their “waiter” as he pushed a full barrel of wine up the hill. No sooner than he left it by the Voidborn than he turned around and headed back to the winery, knowing that a second barrel would soon be needed. Cho’Gath picked up the barrel and, using his elongated claw, effortlessly punctured the wood. He poured them each a glass, starting with hers, as he thought a gentleman should. Rek’Sai’s tongue lolled out in a very dignified manner, as she located her glass through scent alone. When she found it, she lifted it in a delicate cradle of claws.

“Cheers, my lady,” he said as he toasted his glass to hers.

She responded with a bellow that made the earth vibrate with her contentment.

They drank without spilling a single drop, which was quite the feat considering neither of them possessed lips.

“Exquisite flavor. The cooler climate of Noxus has cut some of the sweetness from the wine, but I can still taste the cherries. What do you think?”

Rek’Sai hissed softly as she swiveled her long tongue around the inside of her glass.

Their waiter rolled up a second, third, and fourth barrel of wine before switching to ferrying cheeses to his unwelcome guests. He brought sharp cheddar and smoked gouda to go with the cabernet sauvignon, and a gruyere from the border of Freljord to compliment the merlot. The man also left a heaping bucket of grapes, bags of roasted nuts, several loaves of bread, and the winery’s own special cheese wheel; a parmesan that was infused with the Red Banner Merlot. 

“Is there any-anything else I can geh-get for the guests?” he asked as struggled to control his fear.

“No,” Cho’Gath replied, “I believe that we are well taken care of for now. I will call if we need anything and remember, we will know if you try and flee.”

To emphasize the point, Rek’Sai turned towards the man and breathed in deeply before letting out a long, low growl.

The man nodded. His mouth was open and made the movements to say ‘I understand’ but no sound came out. His face flushed red, he gave a quick bow, and took off to cower back in the winery.

“Which cheese do you want to enjoy first,” Cho’Gath asked as he pulled a Noxian blade, recently acquired and cleaned, from the folds of his suit.

Rek’Sai sniffed over the various snacks presented before them. She took her time focusing on each cheese, letting her intense sense of smell examine each wheel. As she picked up the different flavor notes, she began to salivate in a very dignified manner. At last she decided and pointed towards the gouda, the grapes, and the parmesan.

“Excellent choices. Please allow me to cut you a slice of each.”

He placed some grapes before her before picking up the gouda and slicing it into equal parts.

In her excitement, she clicked her mandibles and made an affable clacking noise in the back of her throat. She picked up a piece and turned it over in her claws for a moment before devouring it in a single bite.

“Yes, it does have a wonderful smoky aroma, but what is your opinion on the flavor?”

Rek’Sai reached out and snatched up a second piece as she hissed her opinion. Cho’Gath ate a piece as well.

“I couldn’t agree more,” he commented after swallowing, for it was ungentlemanly to speak with your mouth open, “such a rich and creamy texture, and the light smoky aftertaste is pleasant but not overpowering.”

The remainder of the gouda and the second barrel of wine didn’t last long after that assessment. Next, it was time to move onto the parmesan. Once more, Cho’Gath cut the cheese into slices, dividing them fairly between the two. This time however, it was his turn to savor the flavor first. He took a bite.

Delightful. Simply delightful. The texture of the harder cheese was more satisfying for him to sink his teeth into. The cheese crumbled in his mouth, filling it with a savory, nutty flavor. This taste was further complimented by the cheese’s wine infusion, which added a sweet tone of fruity plum.

_Nom nom nom nom nom_

“Oh, and we thought the gouda was good. This, my dear Rek’Sai is far superior. We shall have to request more.”

Rek’Sai didn’t wait any longer, and snapped up the parmesan for herself. She chewed it thoughtfully, taking time to appreciate the flavors. She agreed with Cho’Gath’s assessment, and let him know with a booming chortle.

“I am pleased that you are enjoying yourself. You need to find more time to take a break from the brood and enjoy yourself. And to help with that this evening, I brought you a gift. I imagine that you have been able to smell it and I appreciate your patience in allowing me to formally present it to you.”

Cho’Gath stood and went to fetch his gift. Rek’Sai craned her neck and breathed in deeply. She could smell something reeking of dirt and musk and blood from the direction that the other Voidborn had departed. Excitement stirred in her stomach as the scent grew heavier. Cho’Gath was returning, carrying a large scaled creature in his pincers. The carcass was that of a Noxian war basilisk, a brutish creature larger than a horse and more muscular than a minotaur. One of Cho’Gath’s vorpal spikes was still embedded in the creature’s skull. Rek’Sai’s breathing quickened.

“I apologize that it still has the spike in it,” Cho’Gath said as he placed the carcass before her, “it does not make for pleasant presentation. However, I know you prefer your meat raw and juicy, so leaving the spike was necessary to prevent the blood from draining. But now that you are about to enjoy it, there is no longer a need to let it remain. Please, enjoy.”

With that, he yanked the spike from the bone. Blood spurted into the air. Rek’Sai removed her bonnet and placed it with care to the side. Then, she unleased an earsplitting, gracious screech, before tearing into the beast. Her claws punctured through the scaly hide effortlessly, like a fork through flan. She sank her fangs into the flesh and tore out a large chunk with ease. Then she took another bite, and then another, wolfing them down in a refined manner. Only when the beast was devoured did she sit back and regain her composure. Cho’Gath ripped off the awning from the winery and passed it over the Rek’Sai. With a polite nod, she took it and wiped the blood from her face. She made a clicking noise as a show of appreciation.

“And how was the basilisk?” Cho’Gath asked as he pushed aside the discarded bones.

Rek’Sai swept her tail in a wide arc and nodded as a gentle growl emanated from her still bloody maw. She then followed up by snapping her mouth closed and hissing through a clenched jaw.

“I would appreciate that. Next time I venture south I would be delighted to try these Skallashi creatures. I have heard that they are quite large. That would make for a filling meal. But for now, may I offer you more wine to wash down the basilisk?”

Together the Voidborn made quick work of the third and fourth barrels of wine, enjoying both the fruity merlot and the spiced cabernet sauvignon. Rek’Sai especially savored the notes of licorice that lingered after drinking the cabernet. Just like the wine, the roasted nuts, grapes, and Freljord cheese, were soon devoured.

“Ah,” Cho’Gath sighed, “that was a delightful party we had ourselves. Shall I call for the waiter?”

Rek’Sai nodded as finished the last of her wine.

Cho’Gath cleared his voice before shouting out ‘WAITOR!”

All the birds in vineyard took off at once in a panic. In singular contrast, the human sprinted towards the Voidborn’s call. His already drained face grew yet more ghostly as he spied the leftover bones and viscera of the basilisk.

“How may I serve the guests?” he asked, his stutter finally subsiding as he had come to terms with his own demise.

“I believe that the lady and I have finished our meals.”

No sooner than the words left Cho’Gath’s maw, Rek’Sai, roaring with her jaw agape, leapt at the man. He screamed and fell to the ground. But Rek’Sai’s fangs didn’t tear him open.

“Now, now,” Cho’Gath interrupted, “he served us well enough. We should not forget our manners and forget the tip.”

“A tip?” the human asked without daring to move

“Yes my boy, a tip,” Cho’Gath reassured, “you give us a tip on where to go for our next meal and we let you live. Is that an agreeable exchange?”

The human looked up at the two monsters looming over him. A drop of drool from the blind one’s fangs dripped onto his face. It stank of cheese.

“That’s more than agreeable,” he answered, nodding vigorously as he did so, “extremely generous. Thank you. Yes, now. Places to eat, places to eat. Have you visited Demacia? The white wines are supposed to be legendary. Aged in barrels with a chunk of that strange petricite stuff. They say it makes the wine more pure than you could imagine. Please, please go there. I think you would enjoy it. They also have enormous birds you can eat. Pair white wine with white meat. Please, I think you both would enjoy Demacia.”

Cho’Gath looked over the man for a moment before nodding.

“This Demacian winery sounds intriguing. We will absolutely pay it a visit on our next outing. Do you agree, Rek’Sai?”

She gave a long hiss followed by a curt snort as her response.

“Yes, I agree,” added Cho’Gath, “we will give it a try and if it is not to our liking, we know that we can always return here for a good meal.”

The first stars were beginning to twinkle and what little light was left from sun dyed the sky scarlet and indigo. Rek’Sai picked up her bonnet and placed it back in her head. Cho’Gath walked alongside her back to the entrance of her burrow.

“I had a wonderful evening, Rek’Sai,” he said “let us not wait too long before we have another.”

Rek’Sai gave a short, elegant bow. The clacking noise that she made echoed down her burrow as she said her farewells to her evening’s companion. Then, in a movement as swift as lightning, she turned and darted into the tunnel. There was a final flash of blue from her tail, and then she was gone, disappearing into the shadows.

Then it was Cho’Gath’s turn to depart. He tore up several vines to bring to his lair as a later snack. Giving the vineyard a final approving glance, he gazed upon destruction he had wrought. He gave a contented sigh. What a wonderful evening. As he stomped off, he began to entertain thoughts about Demacia and what culinary delights they could off his refined palate.


End file.
